Lonely Woman by Faith Smith

DEAR SOCIETY,                                           

SOMETIMES I SLEEP ALONE, AND NO, NOT PHYSICALLY. SOMEONE IS ALWAYS BESIDE ME, BUT MENTALLY, I BLOW WITH THE WIND. I GET LOST, I FEEL USELESS. I FEEL I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I CAVE INTO THE EXPECTATIONS OF A WOMAN: WHAT THEY SHOULD LOOK LIKE, HOW THEY SHOULD TALK, HOW THEY SHOULD WALK. I DON’T BELONG, OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I THINK. EVERYONE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T BE A BREATHING CREATURE ON THIS EARTH. LIKE I SHOULDN’T BE A PART OF HUMAN SOCIETY. LIKE I SHOULDN’T BE AN IDEA IN SOMEONE’S MIND. LIKE I’M THE UGLIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. I’M A JOKE, SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T FEEL THE MEANS OF EARNING RESPECT. I LOVE TO SMILE AND LAUGH, BUT I’M FILLED WITH SO MUCH NEGATIVITY BECAUSE OF WHAT OTHERS CHOOSE TO DO TO ME. THEN AGAIN, IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT. IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT BUT MY OWN. I CHOOSE TO BE A QUIET PERSON. I CHOOSE TO BE NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, AND I GET STONES CASTED AT ME BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY.

IF I TELL YOU MY HAPPINESS WAS STOLEN FROM ME, I WOULD BE LYING. I GAVE IT AWAY. I LET EVERYONE TAKE MY JOY AWAY. I LET EVERYONE STUMP MY HEART IN THE GROUND, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY…I DROVE AWAY PEOPLE WHO’S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME BECAUSE OF ALL THE HURT OTHERS OUTSIDE OF THEM HAVE CAUSED. I’M ANGRY, WHICH MAKES ME BECOME A LONELY WOMAN. I DRIVE EVERYONE AWAY BECAUSE I THINK EVERYONE IS ALL THE SAME. THEY ALL EXPECT ME TO BE “PERFECT” LIKE SOCIETY SAYS. THEY ALL EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. THEY ALL WILL SOMEDAY HURT ME IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE. THEY ALL WILL LEAVE ME LIKE SO MANY OTHERS HAVE…THEY ALL WILL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE A PLACE ON EARTH. LIKE I DON’T HAVE A SAY IN THIS WORLD. LIKE I SHOULDN’T HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THE BREATH OF LIFE. LIKE I SHOULD DIE.

I HATE WAKING UP IN THE MORNINGS, BECAUSE I KNOW I’M AWAKE. I KNOW I’M NOT NUMB FROM THE PAIN. I KNOW I’M NOT ABLE TO STOP ALL THE DESTRUCTION THAT’LL SOON COME MY WAY. I ALSO HATE FALLING ASLEEP, BECAUSE I KNOW I WON’T STAY ASLEEP. I WANT TO DROWN IN MY OWN THOUGHTS. I WANT MY EMOTIONS TO CHOKE ME IN DESPAIR. I WANT TO SEE BLACKNESS IN THE CLEAR BLUE SKY. I WANT TO DECEASE MY PHYSICAL BEING ON HOLY GROUND AND RUN AWAY FROM ALL HUMAN KIND. I WANT TO BE GONE, BECAUSE I AM A LONELY WOMAN, AND LONELY WOMEN, BY SOCIETY, DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE.

SINCERELY,

LONELY WOMAN