I
knew this little girl, she was someone I once was afraid of. She was someone
that I tried my hardest to run away from because I was afraid that she would
become who I am today. I was once not smart, and I was once not as hopeful.
That little girl was the inner cries I made within myself that were my screams
of agony and pain. That little girl held everything inside, and made her pillow
her tissue as she cried at night. That little girl was alone, never letting
anyone in and never making a place to call home. That little girl was a little
too late. She was someone who no one seen, invisible, to everybody. She was the
kind of girl that was shy. She was someone who never created, only stood by on
the side. She didn’t like to be bothered with people who didn’t matter to her
life, and she dropped anyone who didn’t prove her loyalty to her the way she
did to them. She faced depression, never letting anyone truly know that her
heart was now nonexistent. People blamed her for things she never did. They
made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. People and things replaced her, and
she was always left out. People made her feel like she was ugly, like she was
poor because they would brag about their luxuries and make her feel like since
she didn’t have it, she didn’t belong anymore. She was only paid attention to
when she is needed—people used and abused her and when she needed them, their
backs were turned and they couldn’t hear her. They would talk about her behind
her backs and smile in her face, making her feel like she was always
overreacting or stupid or being naïve. She had anger issues, she had something
conflicting in her. She tried to explain, but nobody would try to hear her. She
admitted her wrongs, apologized, and tried to do right. Still, she was
overlooked and people made her feel like she still wasn’t living up to the part
of life.
Then
one day, she woke up. Now, I’m standing tall, attempting to keep my head up
high. I don’t care to have a heart of gold, because you see where that got the
inner girl of mine? Now, I can’t see you, because you didn’t hear me. I can’t
see you, because you didn’t see me. I don’t love you, because you treated me as
if I was something unwanted that got stepped on and stuck to the bottom of a
shoe. I don’t care for you, because you let me know you never cared for
me. I’m still lonely, but I would rather be that then make myself
delusional to think that I would always have someone to care about me. You see,
this lady is finally awake. I’ve realized this world is a cold, cold place. I’m
not sorry anymore, because I’ve apologized several times. I never got my
apology, so I don’t want you to look me in my eyes. I noticed that when certain
people come around, I no longer exist. So, when I see you in passing now, I
walk right past you. Not a sound from my mouth, not a peep from you too. I’m no
longer making myself believe something that’s not true, because I would rather
be intelligent than a stupid following fool.
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