Holidays are coming, meaning it's time to prepare not just for food, but for the ignorant parasites I call relatives. My sisters and I take turns in the bathroom trying to make ourselves presentable for our guests. You call them family, I call them “ scientific experiments that have failed.” However, there is only one person this Thanksgiving I can not handle. In fact, I cannot handle him at any family get-together. I call him Uncle Barf, the nick name is pretty self-explanatory. He loves to rant about his ex-girlfriends and how hideous they were. Once he called his ex-girlfriend a, “horse face with gigantic buck teeth…” I was a bit confused if he was describing her or himself. But, he closed it with a remark saying, “but she had a banging body. If you know what I mean. Hahaha [I’m an idiot] ha!” I replied, “Wow, what a nice thing to say. Too bad she didn’t get to see what a great guy you are. Ever. Ha haha[ you’re an idiot!] ha!” Of course I was laughing all hysterical. He also describes his disgusting fantasies about women and what women have done to him. Explains why he voted for Trump, because he too likes to grab young “meow!” If I had a penny for every time he talked about his ex’s, I’d have enough money to buy a tenth ring for hell. He has entitled himself a religious man, at least that's what he tells my Grandma, who is nearly deaf. Poor old Catholic, not him, my Grandma. Must suck to give birth to the spawn of Satan. My Uncle Barf has been married twice to two women. Just to highlight, “WOMEN.” It is a miracle anyone would marry him. Then they realized what they have done, and divorced him.
He is like the remote control and I am the T.V. He wants to control my views, my style, my sense of living, so I may be more ladylike to him. He wants to brainwash my mind to see what he wants me to be. That coincidentally is probably how he got those women to marry him. I am completely ashamed to even share similar DNA. Clearly something went wrong with his chromosomes, maybe he has I-have-issues-syndrome. You guys thought who ever is related to Trump had it bad. Actually, scratch that they are equally as bad. Gosh dang it, I hope my Grandma’s deafness is contagious. I could really go deaf about now, it SOUNDS nice for the moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment